Tag Archives: victim

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power of love radio show

Power of Love Radio Show (9/7/16)

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For a second time, I was very honored and privileged to have been invited by the Dee Dee Jackson Foundation (DDJF) to appear on their Power of Love Radio Show to talk about grief and loss. The Power of Love Radio Show, broadcast on LA Talk Radio, shines a light on loss and grief and how it impacts our lives. It provides hope, resources and a community so no one feels alone in their grief.

Listen to the 9/7/16 broadcast archive here.

The Grief Recovery Method

The Grief Recovery Method® is an action program to move beyond death, divorce and other losses.  It was founded almost 30 years ago by John James and Russell Friedman. Grief Reiki, LLC leverages material developed by The Grief Institute®, which provides training coast-to-coast, border-to-border in the United States and Canada with affiliates in Australia, Mexico, Sweden, and the United Kingdom.

Some the things we spoke on the show about included what you can say to someone who is grieving:

“I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you.” – Grief is about a broken heart. How do you even begin to understand how that feels for your friend? This statement indicates that you respect how sad and difficult their grief must be for them.

“I really don’t know what to say.” – Words can’t even describe the feelings associated with grief. Saying you “don’t know what to say” is one of the most honest answers you can give. This way your friend knows you are not trying to judge, analyze or fix them.

“I am so sorry for your loss.” – Sorry in this sense means to be sad or mournful. It reminds your friend that you are also sad for their loss. It’s another way of answering them honestly. 

“Can I give you a hug?” – Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, said “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Hugs reduce the amount of stress in our bodies. Grieving is one of the most stressful events in our lives. Offering a hug (or two) to your friend will be good for their emotional, physical and spiritual health.

“What happened?” – Grievers need and want tell their story. They want you to hear and understand to what they have to say about their loved one. Don’t avoid talking about them. The most loving thing you can do for your friend is to listen without judgement. Be a “heart with ears.”

Henri’s Personal Journey

The producer of the Power of Love Radio Show, Henri Hebert, talked about her own grief journey. She is currently going through the 7-week one-on-one Grief Recovery Method® educational program. She spoke about some of the things she had already learned in just two weeks of attending the class.  Things she now realizes had affected her over the last five years like moving, changing jobs, going through a romantic break-up and losing her best friend to brain cancer. Henri will be sharing more of her journey on future radio shows.

 

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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Getting Past “Grief Victimhood”

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Admit it. We all know people who wallow in self-pity and/or perpetual sadness to the point that their “grief victimhood” defines them. They limit their thoughts and feelings to only the negative aspects of a person who has passed or a loss event that has occurred in their life. They cling to the disappointments and anger they have suffered at the person’s hands. It’s a story that plays over and over again.

As their friends and/or family members, we try to be understanding. We try to listen but at some point we reach our saturation point. We see them coming down the street and we cross to the other side. Their name comes up on our caller ID and we don’t take the call. We love them but their refusal to stop playing the role of a victim is more than we can take. So why are so many people comfortable in the victim role?

I am not a psychologist but I would imagine that victimhood is a learned behavior. While growing up, they witnessed responsibility being passed from person to person. Dad would say it was Mom’s fault if he had a bad day. Mom would say it was the kids fault if Dad was in a bad mood. Kids figured it’s their parents’ fault if they can’t go out and play with their friends. As these children grew up, they continued to take no responsibility for their actions. Then they start their own families and the cycle continues with their spouses and children. No responsibility. Always someone else’s fault.

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In some cases, there may have been horrific events that led to a loss of safety or trust resulting in their sense of victimhood. Completely understandable they are in pain. They should be. But in other cases, they didn’t know any better because being a victim was all they had seen growing up.  Either way, unless they take the action steps to move beyond the victimhood, it will be something carried with them to every situation and every relationship throughout their lives. For many, victimhood is like a comfortable chair – it envelopes them and becomes familiar.  For others, they want to move beyond their victimhood but don’t really know how. What if they could actually experience the happiness that seems to have been so far out of their reach? Does society really give us the tools to get beyond “grief victimhood”?

The Grief Recovery Method® requires a person to take an HONEST look at their life. It isn’t easy. They must take responsibility for the fact there is a problem and only they can fix it. They need to admit there were BOTH negative and POSITIVE aspects to the loss events that occurred throughout their life. They must be committed to taking the action steps towards breaking the cycle, and begin the healing process. Step-by-step. Relationship-by-relationship.

Once they have taken that first step, they can move forward with a different outlook on life and say GOODBYE to victimhood once and for all.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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