Tag Archives: Loss

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Father's Day

Father’s Day Without My Dad

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It’s a day I’ve been dreading every year since Dad died in January 2017. This is my third Father’s Day without him. I’ve been anticipating this day for months. I can’t escape it. It’s been in my face everywhere I go. It’s just another reminder he isn’t here anymore.  To be honest, I’m tired of those reminders.

Although I know it is actually healthier to cherish this day (rather than avoid it) as a way to honor my Dad, it all depends on where someone is on their journey. Part of me wants to avoid it. I know that avoiding Father’s Day can also be healthy. Another part of me wants to go to his favorite sports bar, watch sports and drink beer. If my Sister is up for it, we will probably do the latter.

If you lost someone you loved are not sure what to do, here are a few of the ways you can approach Father’s Day (or any Holiday):

WAYS TO APPROACH FATHER’S DAY

Be Prepared. Anticipating the grief associated with these events is normal. Knowing ahead of time may be tough can help you to decide how you want to spend that day. It could be celebrating with family and friends or being alone in your grief. Being prepared will help you to honor what works best for you.

Plan a Celebration. There is nothing that says you can’t celebrate on Father’s Day. It’s perfectly okay to throw a party. It’s perfectly okay to actually have some fun in memory of your loved one. If you do, they will be there celebrating with you.

Get Out of Town. If it is too much for you to be home alone during these reminder days, plan a trip away or go visit family or friends. It is perfectly okay to not be around if being in familiar surroundings with reminders everywhere is too much to handle. Just get the heck out of dodge.

Share Memories. Consider inviting friends over so you can share memories of your loved one. Ask your friends to share their own memories. Pull out old photographs or home movies. Tell stories. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Memories are the best way to remember your loved one. There is no better way to honor them.

Start a New Tradition. If facing your usual traditions are too difficult, start a new one. Make a donation to a charitable organization, volunteer or plant a tree in your loved one’s name.

Honor Your Grief. It’s normal to be both sad and joyful on these days. Expressing both kinds of emotions makes us human. Honor these emotions. Don’t avoid them. Worse, don’t pretend. Just feel.

No Fanfare. It’s also okay to let these days just be ordinary days. No celebration. Just another day.

So I’ve decided it is completely healthy to either acknowledge or not acknowledge Father’s Day. You have to do what is right for you.

Surround yourself with people who understand what you need – not what they think you should or shouldn’t be doing.

Let this day come and go. Even if this means choosing to do nothing.

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POEM FOR MY DAD ON FATHER’S DAY

“Special Hero” By Christina M. Kerschen

When I was a baby

you would hold me in your arms

I felt the love and tenderness

keeping me safe from harm

I would look up into your eyes

and all the love I would see

How did I get so lucky

you were the dad chosen for me

There is something special

about a father’s love

Seems it was sent to me

from someplace up above

Our love is everlasting

I just wanted you to know

That you’re my special hero

and I wanted to tell you so.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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Why Are People Avoiding Me?

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Has someone close to you died and you wondered why everyone seems to be avoiding you? I have. At first you don’t notice it as much because you are in a daze. But once you emerge from the fog, you realize no one seems to be around. It’s like everyone disappeared to the four corners of the earth. Anywhere so they wouldn’t have to run into you. Or at least that is how it seems. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches in The Four Agreements “Don’t take anything personally.” Easier said than done when you are looking for support and all you can hear are crickets. You start to wonder what you might have said. You start wonder what you might have done. Why is this happening?

IT’S NOT YOU

Most likely people aren’t avoiding you, they are avoiding grief. Historically society has treated grief and loss as tabu topics. People avoid you because they have their own issues with grief. Maybe seeing your grief reminds them of their own. Maybe being reminded of their own grief brings them pain. Feeling their own pain may force them to do something. Doing something is way too hard. Avoiding it becomes second nature. But over time unresolved grief can become a ticking time bomb. A person begins to feel like they are going to explode. Avoiding you keeps them away from a path they don’t want to take. It becomes their primary focus.

Another reason people avoid grief is because they haven’t really been taught the right things to say. Not knowing what to say makes us uncomfortable. Avoiding  uncomfortable feelings seems easier. If they are “unlucky” enough to run into you, they say things like “They are in a better place” or “You’ll feel better soon.” Not helpful statements to a griever but it’s what they have been taught. Eventually they convince themselves staying far away from anyone grieving is the best solution. Once again it becomes about them and not about you.

Grief Reiki LLC

SO WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY?

Face your own grief. You can’t be there for someone else who is grieving if you have your own issues with grief. This is especially true for parents of children who are grieving. If you address your own grief first, you are better equipped to help your children get through theirs. Begin to understand why you haven’t dealt with your grief. What can you do to address it? The Grief Recovery Method offers a structured action plan to help you do just that.

Be honest with a griever.  Instead of avoiding  griever, all you have to do is say “I just don’t know what to say.” An honest answer is better than crickets. Offering a hug without any words is even better. A hug can say it all. It makes a griever feel safe and not alone. Grief tends to do that to people. Makes them feel isolated. Avoiding them only makes it worse. As humans we need human-to-human body contact. In fact according to social worker Virginia Satir, we need at least 4 hugs a day to survive.

So the next time you know someone who is grieving, don’t avoid them. Offer them a hug. No words. Just a hug. It can change their world.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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2020 Bereavement Cruise

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Join us on the 2020 Bereavement Cruise!

Royal Caribbean 

Harmony of The Seas

April 19-26, 2020

Eastern Caribbean

Out of Port Canaveral Florida

View a Video of The Harmony of The Seas Cruise Ship

Nurture your mind, body & spirit. The one and only cruise of its kind created just for grieving families.​ A variety of workshops and activities are planned for each cruise and areprovided by a team of the most highly qualified professionals who serve the bereaved. ​We want to welcome you on board our next cruise!

Read what guests have said about their experience on the 2019 cruise:

“Thanks Linda and Bob Findlay for such a lovely event that resulted in a lot of healing, great teaching  & so much compassion. Overall one of the greatest & most helpful seven days I have ever experienced in my entire life.”

Shared by a sweet lady who lost her husband last Fall.

“Thank you again to you Linda Findlay, Glenn Lord, Lynda Cheldelin Fell and all the other wonderful speakers…I will say it again…You gave me my first week of peace in seven years. God worked miracles through you this week. I don’t know what His plans are for me, but I’m excited for the first time, in a long time to find out!”

Shared by a Beautiful Mother who lost her son.

 


HARMONY OF THE SEAS & PORT CANAVERAL 
 
PRESENTER LINE UP 
 
ABOUT THE CRUISE
 
What is included in the cruise fare?
The cruise fare includes shipboard accommodations, meals, taxes and port charges; and the ship’s entertainment and amenities, including the gym, pools, and sports facilities.  See here for more information about Harmony of the Seas.

The 2020 Bereavement Cruise Is Set to Sail!
The 2020 Bereavement Cruise is set to sail April 19-26, 2020.  Sailing on the beautiful Royal Caribbean’s Harmony of The Sea Ship out of Cape Canaveral, Florida.  Book your cabin early and take nine months to pay after you pay the deposit of $250.00 per person/$500.00 per cabin.  Register Here

About The Bereavement Cruise
The Bereavement Cruise is a powerful transformational journey at sea honoring and celebrating the lives of our lost loved ones.  It is an opportunity to experience an inspiring continuation of healing that will be shared in a nurturing community of people who are or have been where you are in your grief journey-no matter how much time has passed.

About the Seminars At Sea Program
The Bereavement Cruise includes workshops, small group sessions and activities, including a “Walk to Remember”, under the stars, overlooking the sea, A Service of Remembrance, and many more sessions and activities especially planned for you.  All of our events are private and are not available to any quests who are not with our group. Workshop topics will be listed on our website as the are chosen.  The Seminars at Sea Program is sponsored by Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC and is not affiliated with Royal Caribbean.  We do not have a full ship charter which means that there will be other guests sailing on the ship who are not with our group. There will be all of the “regular” scheduled ship activities going on during the duration of our cruise. You will be provided with a seminar schedule on the first day of our cruise. You can chose which workshops to attend. Most of our workshops will take place on the days that we are out to sea.If you miss a ship activity to attend a workshop, most ship activities are repeated throughout the cruise. 
 
Important Information
Arrival airport is Orlando, Florida. Royal Caribbean suggests that you plan to arrive one day prior to your sailing date and they strongly suggest that you book your return fight on disembarkation day, No earlier than 1:30PM.

Hotels, transfers, parking and directions will be listed on our website. Or you can visit Go Port Canaveral to make your arrangements.  Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC has no affiliation with any hotel or Go Port Canaveral.  If you would like Cruise Planners to book your arrangements they would be happy to help you.  
 
Additional Costs 
There a $300.00 per person seminar fee to attend the seminars on board.  Once on board there are no additional costs to attend any of the workshop or activities provided by Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC.  There may be presenters who are with our group who may provide private services that they may charge for. The cost of the cruise, does not include transfers, trip cancellation insurance, gratuities, drink packages, shore excursions on any other on-board purchases. 
 
Final Payment
Final Payment is due to Royal Caribbean by January 10, 2020 (your invoice will list a week prior to this date as the date due). The seminar fee of $300.00 per person, is Due December 1, 2019.
 
Trip Cancellation Insurance
It is strongly suggested that you purchase trip cancellation insurance. Cruise Planners will automatically quote you a price for the insurance.  
 
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS:

Visit:  J3hhh.com

Call: Linda Findlay at 315-725-6132

Email: LF6643@yahoo.com


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