Tag Archives: Inner Peace

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Forgiveness (The Other “F” Word)

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Forgiveness, the other “F” word, is one of the recovery components from unresolved grief. We know we have to do it but it’s so darn hard. We find all the reasons we can to NOT forgive. We convince ourselves that forgiveness is “crazy talk”. But….he did this. But….she said that. It would be WRONG to forgive. We place ourselves in our own unforgiving universe just because we don’t want to deal with it or worse yet, we don’t want to let go of “being right”. We think it is easier to stay angry or hold a grudge.  But is it really?

Think of what it does to your body walking around in perpetual state of anger or resentment all the time. It’s like always being in a fight or flight mode. Our bodies weren’t meant to operate that way. Staying on guard against a threat eventually wears down the body’s natural defenses. After awhile, we end up with physical symptoms ranging anywhere from headaches to heart attacks. Why would anyone chose to do this to themselves?

What we tend to forget is that forgiveness is about us not the other person. You are not focusing on “being right” no matter what. You are not condoning someone’s behavior. You are trying to better understand what they may have been through. You are trying to “let go” so your own heart, soul, mind and body can be free.

FORGIVING YOURSELF

Before even attempting to forgive anyone else, we should make sure that we are at peace with ourselves. This is often harder to do than forgiving someone else. Why is that? First of all we are our own worst critics. We place high expectations on ourselves and if we don’t meet them we are the first ones to send ourself a barrage of criticism. That voice inside our head starts to nag us for being less than perfect. But we aren’t perfect. We were never meant to be perfect. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves. We have to accept that we are human and will continue to make mistakes. We have to accept in our hearts this is okay. Carrying around resentment and anger against ourselves just hurts us and no one else.

FORGIVING OTHERS

The Grief Recovery Method® shows us what to do to forgive:

Take Action – Forgiveness is an action not a feeling. Once you taken the action to forgive, your feelings will follow. For many, the very act of forgiving feels like a huge weight being lifted off their shoulders. For others, it brings the walls down they have built around their heart.

Don’t forgive someone in person – Since you are forgiving to heal yourself, the person being forgiven need never know it has happened. If you try to forgive someone in person, especially if they don’t think they did or said anything wrong, they may perceive it as a personal attack. It could provoke a new issue that could create even more incompleteness in your own life. As a result, it is suggested you never forgive someone in person.

Don’t ask for forgiveness – Asking for forgiveness is really making an apology. If you feel the need to say something directly to another person, make it in the form of an apology. Although you may have been hurt by the other person, that does not eliminate the need to make an apology for what you may or may not have done to them. Apologizing helps you to be complete.

WHAT TO SAY

“I forgive you so I can be free.” – Forgiveness is about you not the other person. This statement helps to remind you that forgiving is helping to set you free from the emotional baggage caused by anger and resentment.

“I forgive you so I don’t keep holding onto anger.” – Do you really want to carry that resentment and anger around with you forever? This statement is another way of saying I am taking care of me and this is what is important.

“I acknowledge the things you did/didn’t do that hurt hurt me and I am not going to let the memories of those incidents hurt me anymore.”  Sometimes a person creates a situation in your life that is almost impossible to forgive. This may be  especially true when rape, abuse or domestic violence are involved. Instead of forgiving the person, you can forgive to let go of the memories or incidents so they no longer cause you pain. This is another way of setting yourself free so you can move forward.

FORGIVENESS MEDITATION

I know for some people just thinking about forgiveness may not be enough. In those instances, writing your thoughts down in a journal or having some sort of “ceremony”  might be more beneficial for you. Here is a short forgiveness mediation you can try using any type of candle you have around the house:

In a quiet place, light a candle.

Take a few deep breaths and relax.

Think of the person you want to forgive standing on the other side of the candle.

Look into the flame of the candle. The flame represents truth, love and kindness. Visualize the negative energy you are holding onto going into the candle’s flame. When it reaches the flame it turns into beautiful white light.

Mentally move this white light into the other person.

Now say, “I forgive you.” (Say this as many times as feels right).

After forgiving the other person wrap yourself in the white light to wash away any leftover traces of resentment or anger.

Thank yourself for having the courage to forgive.

Take a few deep breaths and relax.

You can also use this meditation for self-forgiveness. Just visualize yourself, instead of someone else, standing on the other side of the candle.

Marianne Williamson writes: “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Here is a video of Marianne talking about forgiveness on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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Goodbye 2018

Thank You 2018

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I can’t lie, 2018 was one tough year. Now that 2019 is just peaking over the horizon, I felt it was important to remind myself that despite the difficulties, it was also a year of so many blessings. Here are some of them.

FRIENDSHIPS

This was the year of new “friends in grief” I met through social media: Linda and Lori (from The Death Deck), Maryanne (widow extraordinaire), Lisa (missing her Dad too), Rachelle and Sharon (two grief recovery gurus), John (the better not bitter widower), Cass (the pompous_btch), Leslie (the amazing sketch artist), Debbie (the crisis maven), Elizabeth (opening the door to conversations about death), Olivia (who taught me to be a death midwife), Ophelia (the kind and gentle soul from Canada), Robin (the tango dancer), Shelby (who is wise beyond her years), Melody (the composer and musician) and all the wonderful experts I have met through the 2019 Bereavement Cruise.

Then there were those so dear to my heart, Henri (the dowsing queen), Sandy (one of the kindest people I have ever met), Annah (my sounding board), Ginny (the Earth Angel), Lindsay (the fighter), Cathy (the grief coach), Sandy (who makes amazing jewelry all while being a newly single Mom), Nathalie (who helps grieving parents around the world), Andrew (who picks the most amazing music to grieve to and helped me to get to of my comfort zone), Rachel (one of the most eloquent widows around and my walking buddy), Melo (the be-who-you-are advocate for so many who are grieving) and Connie (for always being so kind to share my posts). I don’t know how I would have made it without all of you this year!

Finally there are the Grief Reiki® clients and followers who have bravely shared their grief journeys and emotions both in person by attending workshops, free events and support groups; and virtually by providing heartfelt comments and giving us a window into their stories on social media. It has been an honor to have met you and been a part of your healing.

NEW ADVENTURES

Grief Reiki® participated in many new adventures this year.

2018 was the year of FaceBook Live. I was a weekly guest with my dear friend in grief, Andrew from Music To Grieve To where we spoke about grief-related topics and accompanying music tracks. Our weekly show called, Andrew and Sharon Talk About Grief gave us an opportunity to discuss everything from the loss of a pet to the suicide of Avicci. I will be forever grateful to Andrew for this wonderful opportunity.

As a result of my collaboration with Andrew, I found the courage to start my own weekly FaceBook Live program called The Grief and Healing Corner where my guests included:

Episode 2 – Annah Elizabeth, The Five Facets of Healing

Episode 3 – Lindsay Marie Gibson, Just Be

Episode 4 – Angela Viesta, Adult Orphan Collective

Episode 5 – Shelby Forsythia, Coming Back Podcast

Episode 6 – Nathalie Himmelrich, Grieving Parents Network

Episode 7 – Cassandra Ceyla, Alchemy Cass

Episode 8 – Cathy Cheshire, Thriving After Loss

Episode 9 – Melody Nolan, Treasure Lives

Episode 10 – Rachelle Jones, Grief Recovery with Rachelle

Episode 11 – Andrew McCluskey, Music To Grieve To

Episode 12 – Robin Chodak, Suicide Survivors Support Community

Episode 13 – Henri Hebert, Inspiring You

Episode 14 – V. Ophelia Rigualt, Grief Coach Ophelia

Episode 15 – Linda Findlay, Mourning Discoveries & Bereavement Cruise

Episode 16 – Sharon Brubaker, Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist

Episode 17 – Sandy Evans-Pullin, Reiki Balance N Bliss

Episode 18 – John Polo, Better Not Bitter Widower

Episode 19– Lisa Ingrassia, A Daughter’s Love

Episode 20 – Elizabeth Copland, Grief Dialogues

Episode 21 – Ellen Monsees, Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist

Episode 22 – Tonya McKenzie, Sands and Shores

Episode 23 – Michael Gershe, The Magic of Life

I was also proud to participate in a number of summits including A Grief Felt Around the World Twitter Chat, Advent Calendar for Bereaved Parents and After Chloe and Friends Living After Loss Online Summit. It was such a pleasure to be able to share the tools that helped me get through my own grief in the hope they may help others.

I was also a contributing author for two books. The one that was published this year was Grief Dialogues: The Book where two of my poems were featured with pieces from 60 other authors. The other one should be published in 2019!

I was featured in LA’s own Voyage LA Magazine’s list of “LA’s Most Inspiring Stories.”  This article provided an overview of Grief Reiki®, how I got to where I am , and if luck played a meaningful role in my life and business.

Last but not least, our first online course, Grief Reiki® Healing Program, was launched on Udemy. By the end of the year, we had over 300 students from 25 different countries sign up. I am so proud of this program!

SAYING GOODBYE

This was also a year of professional changes for me. Although I quit my cybersecurity job at the end of last year, I found it too cost prohibitive to live in Los Angeles and run Grief Reiki® full-time. As result, I went back to cybersecurity (hopefully on a temporary basis)in support of the Air Force’s Global Positioning Satellite Program. Although is isn’t my heart, it is what is meant to be right now. Once I let go of the story I was telling myself about being a failure, I realized that everything fell into to place for me when I needed it most. And for that all I can say is thank you 2018.

I am looking forward to new challenges and opportunities in 2019!

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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Emotional Benefits of Reiki

Emotional Benefits of Reiki When Grieving

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Grief affects us emotionally in many different ways. These effects range from feelings of anger, fear and worry to harboring resentment and blame. As a result, your emotional energy centers can become blocked or unbalanced and you feel completely out sorts. It is difficult to begin your grief journey when you are feeling this way. Reiki has the ability to provide you with emotional benefits during grieving. This happens because Reiki unblocks and balances your emotional centers. After receiving Reiki, you feel more calm and relaxed. This helps you to better handle the emotions associated with your grief.

EMOTIONAL BENEFITS 

Following are the emotional benefits of Reiki when you are grieving.

Promotes Feelings of Calmness

Grief can send your world into a tailspin. Reiki helps to promote feelings of calmness by balancing your first chakra which helps you to be more grounded. Being grounded fills you with a sense of stability which leads to feeling emotionally calm.

Relieves Stress by Relaxing the Mind

Grief can overwhelm your mind in many ways. This can include the inability to make decisions, feeling confused or experiencing a sense of numbness. Reiki can relax the mind by unblocking your Third and Fifth Chakras to remove any indecisiveness you may be experiencing. It also minimizes confusion by balancing your sixth chakra. Relaxing the mind helps to relieve any grief-related emotional stress you may be experiencing.

Encourages Emotional Release

If not addressed, grief can build up inside of you sometimes to the point you feel like exploding or imploding. Reiki focuses on your sixth chakra to help you release any emotions you may be holding inside. It also helps your fourth Chakra bring your heart back to a place of love. Emotional release is especially healthy when you are grieving. This will allow you to experience healthy feelings of sadness.

Soothes Emotional Distress

Grieving can often make you feel hopeless and in a state of emotional upheaval. Everything can begin to irritate you. Reiki goes to your fourth Chakra to bring back a sense of hope and balances your Second Chakra to help remove any irritability. Having a sense of peace helps you to get through the emotional fallout associated with grief.

Removes Fear and Negativity

Grieving often brings forward feelings of fear. Many times this is because you have lost your sense of trust. By balancing your Seventh Chakra, Reiki reminds you to trust your inner voice. When you listen to your inner voice, you are less likely to be fearful and more likely to believe your future will turn out okay.

Promotes Creativity

Grief can shut you down. Finding ways to express your emotions, rather than hold them in, helps you to heal. Photography, writing, art, acting and singing are all ways to express your grief. Reiki can keep your fifth chakra in balance so you can use your creativity as a healthy part of your grief journey.

Provides Clarity of Thought

Grief often makes you feel confused and/or lose your concentration. As a result, you may be more prone to an accident when you are grieving. Reiki can remove any blockages in your sixth chakra to provide clarity of thought and improve your ability to concentrate.

Boosts Self-Esteem

You can become your own worst enemy when you are grieving. Feelings of guilt and self-criticism play over and over in your head. You being to lose any confidence you had in yourself as person. In this case, Reiki will focus on your third chakra to boost your self-esteem and give you a sense of confidence. Accepting yourself and what you are going through is healthy when you are grieving.

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Excerpt from Grief Reiki – An Integrated Approach to the Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Components of Grief and Loss, Chapter 7, Emotional Benefits of Reiki.

Now Available on AmazonKindle and Barnes and Noble.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

 


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