Tag Archives: Hugs

  • -

Why Are People Avoiding Me?

Tags : 

Has someone close to you died and you wondered why everyone seems to be avoiding you? I have. At first you don’t notice it as much because you are in a daze. But once you emerge from the fog, you realize no one seems to be around. It’s like everyone disappeared to the four corners of the earth. Anywhere so they wouldn’t have to run into you. Or at least that is how it seems. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches in The Four Agreements “Don’t take anything personally.” Easier said than done when you are looking for support and all you can hear are crickets. You start to wonder what you might have said. You start wonder what you might have done. Why is this happening?

IT’S NOT YOU

Most likely people aren’t avoiding you, they are avoiding grief. Historically society has treated grief and loss as tabu topics. People avoid you because they have their own issues with grief. Maybe seeing your grief reminds them of their own. Maybe being reminded of their own grief brings them pain. Feeling their own pain may force them to do something. Doing something is way too hard. Avoiding it becomes second nature. But over time unresolved grief can become a ticking time bomb. A person begins to feel like they are going to explode. Avoiding you keeps them away from a path they don’t want to take. It becomes their primary focus.

Another reason people avoid grief is because they haven’t really been taught the right things to say. Not knowing what to say makes us uncomfortable. Avoiding  uncomfortable feelings seems easier. If they are “unlucky” enough to run into you, they say things like “They are in a better place” or “You’ll feel better soon.” Not helpful statements to a griever but it’s what they have been taught. Eventually they convince themselves staying far away from anyone grieving is the best solution. Once again it becomes about them and not about you.

Grief Reiki LLC

SO WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY?

Face your own grief. You can’t be there for someone else who is grieving if you have your own issues with grief. This is especially true for parents of children who are grieving. If you address your own grief first, you are better equipped to help your children get through theirs. Begin to understand why you haven’t dealt with your grief. What can you do to address it? The Grief Recovery Method offers a structured action plan to help you do just that.

Be honest with a griever.  Instead of avoiding  griever, all you have to do is say “I just don’t know what to say.” An honest answer is better than crickets. Offering a hug without any words is even better. A hug can say it all. It makes a griever feel safe and not alone. Grief tends to do that to people. Makes them feel isolated. Avoiding them only makes it worse. As humans we need human-to-human body contact. In fact according to social worker Virginia Satir, we need at least 4 hugs a day to survive.

So the next time you know someone who is grieving, don’t avoid them. Offer them a hug. No words. Just a hug. It can change their world.

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!


  • -
power of love radio show

Power of Love Radio Show (9/7/16)

Tags : 

For a second time, I was very honored and privileged to have been invited by the Dee Dee Jackson Foundation (DDJF) to appear on their Power of Love Radio Show to talk about grief and loss. The Power of Love Radio Show, broadcast on LA Talk Radio, shines a light on loss and grief and how it impacts our lives. It provides hope, resources and a community so no one feels alone in their grief.

Listen to the 9/7/16 broadcast archive here.

The Grief Recovery Method

The Grief Recovery Method® is an action program to move beyond death, divorce and other losses.  It was founded almost 30 years ago by John James and Russell Friedman. Grief Reiki, LLC leverages material developed by The Grief Institute®, which provides training coast-to-coast, border-to-border in the United States and Canada with affiliates in Australia, Mexico, Sweden, and the United Kingdom.

Some the things we spoke on the show about included what you can say to someone who is grieving:

“I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you.” – Grief is about a broken heart. How do you even begin to understand how that feels for your friend? This statement indicates that you respect how sad and difficult their grief must be for them.

“I really don’t know what to say.” – Words can’t even describe the feelings associated with grief. Saying you “don’t know what to say” is one of the most honest answers you can give. This way your friend knows you are not trying to judge, analyze or fix them.

“I am so sorry for your loss.” – Sorry in this sense means to be sad or mournful. It reminds your friend that you are also sad for their loss. It’s another way of answering them honestly. 

“Can I give you a hug?” – Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, said “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Hugs reduce the amount of stress in our bodies. Grieving is one of the most stressful events in our lives. Offering a hug (or two) to your friend will be good for their emotional, physical and spiritual health.

“What happened?” – Grievers need and want tell their story. They want you to hear and understand to what they have to say about their loved one. Don’t avoid talking about them. The most loving thing you can do for your friend is to listen without judgement. Be a “heart with ears.”

Henri’s Personal Journey

The producer of the Power of Love Radio Show, Henri Hebert, talked about her own grief journey. She is currently going through the 7-week one-on-one Grief Recovery Method® educational program. She spoke about some of the things she had already learned in just two weeks of attending the class.  Things she now realizes had affected her over the last five years like moving, changing jobs, going through a romantic break-up and losing her best friend to brain cancer. Henri will be sharing more of her journey on future radio shows.

 

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!

blog_signature_002


  • -
#ddjf #griefreiki

Power of Love Radio Show (8/31/16)

Tags : 

 

This week I was very honored and privileged to have been invited by the Dee Dee Jackson Foundation (DDJF) to appear on their Power of Love Radio Show to talk about grief and loss. The Power of Love Radio Show, broadcast on LA Talk Radio, shines a light on loss and grief and how it impacts our lives. It provides hope, resources and a community so no one feels alone in their grief.

Listen to the 8/31/16 radio broadcast archive here.

BACKGROUND

DDJF was founded by three brothers, Taj, Taryll, and TJ Jackson along with executive producer/showrunner Henri Hebert and former ABC executive, Lillian Lim while filming the docu-series for Lifetime “The Jacksons: Next Generation”. Taj, Taryll and TJ were born into the famous musical Jackson family. The brothers inherited their talent from their father Tito, but it was their mother Dee Dee who instilled in them the discipline to hone their craft. She was their best friend and their hero, a role model who tirelessly donated her time and resources to a number of charitable causes.

Tragically, Dee Dee was murdered when they were still teenagers and young adults. Fast forward 20 years later, while filming a TV show about their lives, the brothers were ready to come to terms with their mother’s passing. To honor their mother’s spirit of positivity, selflessness and grace, they are now dedicated to building a meaningful and lasting pathway to giving back through the foundation — continuing to make their mother proud.

MUSIC THERAPY FOR CHILDREN

The Foundation has taken a hands-on approach to develop music therapy programs for vulnerable young people. Working with Ronald M. Borazon who founded the internationally renowned Music Therapy Department at California State University, Northridge in 1984, the programs aim to reduce the psychological effects of trauma and provide participants emotional and cognitive resources for coping with their experiences.

HOW TO VOLUNTEER

Volunteering is a great way to make a difference in the community and a child’s life. To learn more you can go to their website: www.ddjf.org.

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!

blog_signature_002


Search

Heal Your Sh*t Interview

Free Sample Chapter

New Book

Free Sample Chapter

Grief Diaries

Guide To Pet Loss eBook

Guide To Pet Loss eBook