Tag Archives: honesty

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Forgiveness (The Other “F” Word)

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Forgiveness, the other “F” word, is one of the recovery components from unresolved grief. We know we have to do it but it’s so darn hard. We find all the reasons we can to NOT forgive. We convince ourselves that forgiveness is “crazy talk”. But….he did this. But….she said that. It would be WRONG to forgive. We place ourselves in our own unforgiving universe just because we don’t want to deal with it or worse yet, we don’t want to let go of “being right”. We think it is easier to stay angry or hold a grudge.  But is it really?

Think of what it does to your body walking around in perpetual state of anger or resentment all the time. It’s like always being in a fight or flight mode. Our bodies weren’t meant to operate that way. Staying on guard against a threat eventually wears down the body’s natural defenses. After awhile, we end up with physical symptoms ranging anywhere from headaches to heart attacks. Why would anyone chose to do this to themselves?

What we tend to forget is that forgiveness is about us not the other person. You are not focusing on “being right” no matter what. You are not condoning someone’s behavior. You are trying to better understand what they may have been through. You are trying to “let go” so your own heart, soul, mind and body can be free.

FORGIVING YOURSELF

Before even attempting to forgive anyone else, we should make sure that we are at peace with ourselves. This is often harder to do than forgiving someone else. Why is that? First of all we are our own worst critics. We place high expectations on ourselves and if we don’t meet them we are the first ones to send ourself a barrage of criticism. That voice inside our head starts to nag us for being less than perfect. But we aren’t perfect. We were never meant to be perfect. We have to stop being so hard on ourselves. We have to accept that we are human and will continue to make mistakes. We have to accept in our hearts this is okay. Carrying around resentment and anger against ourselves just hurts us and no one else.

FORGIVING OTHERS

The Grief Recovery Method® shows us what to do to forgive:

Take Action – Forgiveness is an action not a feeling. Once you taken the action to forgive, your feelings will follow. For many, the very act of forgiving feels like a huge weight being lifted off their shoulders. For others, it brings the walls down they have built around their heart.

Don’t forgive someone in person – Since you are forgiving to heal yourself, the person being forgiven need never know it has happened. If you try to forgive someone in person, especially if they don’t think they did or said anything wrong, they may perceive it as a personal attack. It could provoke a new issue that could create even more incompleteness in your own life. As a result, it is suggested you never forgive someone in person.

Don’t ask for forgiveness – Asking for forgiveness is really making an apology. If you feel the need to say something directly to another person, make it in the form of an apology. Although you may have been hurt by the other person, that does not eliminate the need to make an apology for what you may or may not have done to them. Apologizing helps you to be complete.

WHAT TO SAY

“I forgive you so I can be free.” – Forgiveness is about you not the other person. This statement helps to remind you that forgiving is helping to set you free from the emotional baggage caused by anger and resentment.

“I forgive you so I don’t keep holding onto anger.” – Do you really want to carry that resentment and anger around with you forever? This statement is another way of saying I am taking care of me and this is what is important.

“I acknowledge the things you did/didn’t do that hurt hurt me and I am not going to let the memories of those incidents hurt me anymore.”  Sometimes a person creates a situation in your life that is almost impossible to forgive. This may be  especially true when rape, abuse or domestic violence are involved. Instead of forgiving the person, you can forgive to let go of the memories or incidents so they no longer cause you pain. This is another way of setting yourself free so you can move forward.

FORGIVENESS MEDITATION

I know for some people just thinking about forgiveness may not be enough. In those instances, writing your thoughts down in a journal or having some sort of “ceremony”  might be more beneficial for you. Here is a short forgiveness mediation you can try using any type of candle you have around the house:

In a quiet place, light a candle.

Take a few deep breaths and relax.

Think of the person you want to forgive standing on the other side of the candle.

Look into the flame of the candle. The flame represents truth, love and kindness. Visualize the negative energy you are holding onto going into the candle’s flame. When it reaches the flame it turns into beautiful white light.

Mentally move this white light into the other person.

Now say, “I forgive you.” (Say this as many times as feels right).

After forgiving the other person wrap yourself in the white light to wash away any leftover traces of resentment or anger.

Thank yourself for having the courage to forgive.

Take a few deep breaths and relax.

You can also use this meditation for self-forgiveness. Just visualize yourself, instead of someone else, standing on the other side of the candle.

Marianne Williamson writes: “Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Here is a video of Marianne talking about forgiveness on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss By Suicide Wins Third Award

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FERNDALE, Wash. – Nov. 28, 2016 – PRLog — AlyBlue Media announced today that two books from the Grief Diaries series earned Finalist Awards, the equivalent of a silver medal, for the 2016 Best Books Awards released last week by i310 Media Group in Los Angeles.

The national contest yielded over 2,000 entries from mainstream and independent publishers which were then narrowed down to Winners and Finalists. Surviving Loss by Suicide, authored by Lynda Cheldelin Fell and Sharon Ehlers, earned the Finalist Award in the Anthology – NonFiction category. Loss by Impaired Driving, authored by Lynda Cheldelin Fell and Bill & Julie Downs, earned the Finalist Award in the Health – Death & Dying category.

“The 2016 results represent a phenomenal mix of books from a wide array of publishers throughout the United States. With a full publicity and marketing campaign promoting the results of the Best Book Awards, this year’s winners and finalists will gain additional media coverage for the upcoming holiday retail season,” Jeffrey Keen, president of i310 Media Group says of the awards.

Winners and finalists traversed the publishing landscape. Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins, Penguin Random House, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, Wiley, McGraw Hill, Rowman and Littlefield, Forge Books, National Geographic, American Cancer Society and hundreds of independent houses including AlyBlue Media contributed to this year’s outstanding competition.

Keen adds, “Our success begins with the enthusiastic participation of authors and publishers and continues with our distinguished panel of industry judges who bring to the table their extensive editorial, PR, marketing, and design expertise.”

The two Finalist Awards brings the total count of literary awards to four for Grief Diaries since launching eleven months ago.

AlyBlue Media donates a portion of retail profits from every book to nonprofit organizations.

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grief diaries: surviving loss by suicide

Suicide Book in Popular Grief Diaries Series Earns Second Literary Award

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SEATTLE – Oct. 4, 2016 – PRLog — AlyBlue Media announced today that “Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss by Suicide” has won a second national literary award. The anthology is one title in the popular Grief Diaries book series created by Lynda Cheldelin Fell, an award-winning author and founder of the National Grief & Hope Coalition.

Named a Finalist by Book Excellence Awards hosted by Literary Excellence Inc., the silver medal award comes with a prize package worth $1,500. Entries are judged on the design and quality of writing.

Authored by Cheldelin Fell along with certified grief recovery specialist and reiki master Sharon Ehlers, the book features stories from 12 women whose lives have been impacted by the suicide of a loved one. The stories are shared to help others struggling with the same loss find comfort and healing, as well as help society gain greater understanding and insight.

“Every year we lose more than 42,000 loved ones to suicide just in the United States alone. Because the stigma surrounding such a death leads to underreporting, that number sadly is a low estimate,” said Cheldelin Fell. “It’s my hope that sharing these stories will bring greater awareness and help families and individuals who lose a loved one to suicide feel less alone in the aftermath.” A portion of proceeds from the sale of Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss by Suicide is donated to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

The Grief Diaries series features true stories about real life journeys shared by people around the world. Since publishing the first eight titles in December 2015, more than 450 writers from across the globe have contributed, resulting in 16 titles in print in just nine months. According to AlyBlue Media, 14 additional titles are due by December and an additional 20 are slated to be published in 2017.

The series tackles a wide spectrum of topics including loss, alcoholism, addiction, mental illnesses, infertility, rape, eating disorders, bullying, and more. The series has earned acclaim from some of the world’s most notable experts including Dr. Bernice King, daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King; Candace Lightner, founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving; and Carolyn Costin, founder of Monte Nido Treatment Centers. “The brave individuals who share their truth in this book do it for the benefit of all,” she said.

The Grief Diaries series is available in more than 40,000 retail outlets around the world. For more information about Grief Diaries, visit www.griefdiaries.com.

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