Tag Archives: Grief

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Why Are People Avoiding Me?

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Has someone close to you died and you wondered why everyone seems to be avoiding you? I have. At first you don’t notice it as much because you are in a daze. But once you emerge from the fog, you realize no one seems to be around. It’s like everyone disappeared to the four corners of the earth. Anywhere so they wouldn’t have to run into you. Or at least that is how it seems. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches in The Four Agreements “Don’t take anything personally.” Easier said than done when you are looking for support and all you can hear are crickets. You start to wonder what you might have said. You start wonder what you might have done. Why is this happening?

IT’S NOT YOU

Most likely people aren’t avoiding you, they are avoiding grief. Historically society has treated grief and loss as tabu topics. People avoid you because they have their own issues with grief. Maybe seeing your grief reminds them of their own. Maybe being reminded of their own grief brings them pain. Feeling their own pain may force them to do something. Doing something is way too hard. Avoiding it becomes second nature. But over time unresolved grief can become a ticking time bomb. A person begins to feel like they are going to explode. Avoiding you keeps them away from a path they don’t want to take. It becomes their primary focus.

Another reason people avoid grief is because they haven’t really been taught the right things to say. Not knowing what to say makes us uncomfortable. Avoiding  uncomfortable feelings seems easier. If they are “unlucky” enough to run into you, they say things like “They are in a better place” or “You’ll feel better soon.” Not helpful statements to a griever but it’s what they have been taught. Eventually they convince themselves staying far away from anyone grieving is the best solution. Once again it becomes about them and not about you.

Grief Reiki LLC

SO WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY?

Face your own grief. You can’t be there for someone else who is grieving if you have your own issues with grief. This is especially true for parents of children who are grieving. If you address your own grief first, you are better equipped to help your children get through theirs. Begin to understand why you haven’t dealt with your grief. What can you do to address it? The Grief Recovery Method offers a structured action plan to help you do just that.

Be honest with a griever.  Instead of avoiding  griever, all you have to do is say “I just don’t know what to say.” An honest answer is better than crickets. Offering a hug without any words is even better. A hug can say it all. It makes a griever feel safe and not alone. Grief tends to do that to people. Makes them feel isolated. Avoiding them only makes it worse. As humans we need human-to-human body contact. In fact according to social worker Virginia Satir, we need at least 4 hugs a day to survive.

So the next time you know someone who is grieving, don’t avoid them. Offer them a hug. No words. Just a hug. It can change their world.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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2020 Bereavement Cruise

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Join us on the 2020 Bereavement Cruise!

Royal Caribbean 

Harmony of The Seas

April 19-26, 2020

Eastern Caribbean

Out of Port Canaveral Florida

View a Video of The Harmony of The Seas Cruise Ship

Nurture your mind, body & spirit. The one and only cruise of its kind created just for grieving families.​ A variety of workshops and activities are planned for each cruise and areprovided by a team of the most highly qualified professionals who serve the bereaved. ​We want to welcome you on board our next cruise!

Read what guests have said about their experience on the 2019 cruise:

“Thanks Linda and Bob Findlay for such a lovely event that resulted in a lot of healing, great teaching  & so much compassion. Overall one of the greatest & most helpful seven days I have ever experienced in my entire life.”

Shared by a sweet lady who lost her husband last Fall.

“Thank you again to you Linda Findlay, Glenn Lord, Lynda Cheldelin Fell and all the other wonderful speakers…I will say it again…You gave me my first week of peace in seven years. God worked miracles through you this week. I don’t know what His plans are for me, but I’m excited for the first time, in a long time to find out!”

Shared by a Beautiful Mother who lost her son.

 


HARMONY OF THE SEAS & PORT CANAVERAL 
 
PRESENTER LINE UP 
 
ABOUT THE CRUISE
 
What is included in the cruise fare?
The cruise fare includes shipboard accommodations, meals, taxes and port charges; and the ship’s entertainment and amenities, including the gym, pools, and sports facilities.  See here for more information about Harmony of the Seas.

The 2020 Bereavement Cruise Is Set to Sail!
The 2020 Bereavement Cruise is set to sail April 19-26, 2020.  Sailing on the beautiful Royal Caribbean’s Harmony of The Sea Ship out of Cape Canaveral, Florida.  Book your cabin early and take nine months to pay after you pay the deposit of $250.00 per person/$500.00 per cabin.  Register Here

About The Bereavement Cruise
The Bereavement Cruise is a powerful transformational journey at sea honoring and celebrating the lives of our lost loved ones.  It is an opportunity to experience an inspiring continuation of healing that will be shared in a nurturing community of people who are or have been where you are in your grief journey-no matter how much time has passed.

About the Seminars At Sea Program
The Bereavement Cruise includes workshops, small group sessions and activities, including a “Walk to Remember”, under the stars, overlooking the sea, A Service of Remembrance, and many more sessions and activities especially planned for you.  All of our events are private and are not available to any quests who are not with our group. Workshop topics will be listed on our website as the are chosen.  The Seminars at Sea Program is sponsored by Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC and is not affiliated with Royal Caribbean.  We do not have a full ship charter which means that there will be other guests sailing on the ship who are not with our group. There will be all of the “regular” scheduled ship activities going on during the duration of our cruise. You will be provided with a seminar schedule on the first day of our cruise. You can chose which workshops to attend. Most of our workshops will take place on the days that we are out to sea.If you miss a ship activity to attend a workshop, most ship activities are repeated throughout the cruise. 
 
Important Information
Arrival airport is Orlando, Florida. Royal Caribbean suggests that you plan to arrive one day prior to your sailing date and they strongly suggest that you book your return fight on disembarkation day, No earlier than 1:30PM.

Hotels, transfers, parking and directions will be listed on our website. Or you can visit Go Port Canaveral to make your arrangements.  Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC has no affiliation with any hotel or Go Port Canaveral.  If you would like Cruise Planners to book your arrangements they would be happy to help you.  
 
Additional Costs 
There a $300.00 per person seminar fee to attend the seminars on board.  Once on board there are no additional costs to attend any of the workshop or activities provided by Journey’s of Hope Healing & Health, LLC.  There may be presenters who are with our group who may provide private services that they may charge for. The cost of the cruise, does not include transfers, trip cancellation insurance, gratuities, drink packages, shore excursions on any other on-board purchases. 
 
Final Payment
Final Payment is due to Royal Caribbean by January 10, 2020 (your invoice will list a week prior to this date as the date due). The seminar fee of $300.00 per person, is Due December 1, 2019.
 
Trip Cancellation Insurance
It is strongly suggested that you purchase trip cancellation insurance. Cruise Planners will automatically quote you a price for the insurance.  
 
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS:

Visit:  J3hhh.com

Call: Linda Findlay at 315-725-6132

Email: LF6643@yahoo.com


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Grief Anniversary

Grief Anniversary

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Since time does not heal when it comes to grief, it is not surprising that the Grief Anniversary of a loved one’s death can be just as painful as the day they died. For me, April 3rd marks the seven year anniversary of my former fiancé’s death. Although we were no longer together when he passed away, I can honestly say that he was my one true love. The pain of his death has been soul-wrenching and gut-stomping. Time couldn’t possibly ever heal that wound. Why would I want it to?

The first day, the first week, the first month, the first year after his death was tough. Who am I kidding – every day, every week, every month and every year has been tough. But the 3rd of every month became a recurring, in-your-face reminder that he was gone. So I decided that I had two choices about how I was going to handle it – bottle it all up inside and walk around pretending I was ok or face it head-on and let the emotions flow.

It wasn’t really even a decision for me. I automatically chose to drive myself into the grief at full throttle. I figured hitting it head on and wrestling it to the ground would give me some chance of coming out the other side. Ignoring it? Well that could lead to all kinds of problems and I certainly didn’t want to go there. I had seen others who never faced their grief and I didn’t want that anchor dragging me down for the rest of my life.

So on the 3rd (and most other days), I spent the time crying until there were no tears. I shouted at the sky. I took long walks. I went through old pictures. I read old cards and love letters. I listened to “our” songs. I remembered the good and the bad. I called his Mom and we cried together, I had a Memorial Service for him with my children up on a hill overlooking the ocean and we released a balloon to the heavens. We cried and held each other. I JUST LET IT ALL OUT. Then I let it out some more until I felt empty. The emptiness didn’t lessen the sadness or the pain but it felt better than holding it inside.

I think I also forced myself to do this because those around me didn’t know what to do.  Some avoided me. Others didn’t bring it up at all. After all he committed suicide and who wants to talk about “that” subject. If talking about grief is #1 taboo subject in America, who wants to talk about grief related to someone’s suicide? Probably taboo subject #2.  On top of that we had broken-up so add taboo subject #3.  Three topics that are tough if not impossible to discuss. So that’s pretty much what everyone did –  try not to discuss it with me. In fact there was no discussion about any of it at all. Since I knew I needed to do something (rather than avoid it), I took matters into my own hands and began my own grief journey.

Don’t get me wrong, people asked if I was ok. But in reality they hoped I didn’t start to talk about “it” at all. What were they supposed to say if I did bring it up? At least you weren’t in a relationship anymore? Nope – probably not the right response. At least you weren’t there with him when he did “it”? Nope – definitely not the right response. Neither of those comments would have helped me face my broken heart.  Ironically, talking about how I felt about his death would have helped me heal. I learned after becoming a Certified Grief Recovery Specialists®  what I went through with friends and family was pretty typical. It’s how we have all been brought up. As a society, we need to break the cycle of how we address (or don’t address) grieving throughout many generations.

My recommendation is to do what is right for you on a Grief Anniversary. That could mean acknowledging it or not. Whatever you do is completely healthy. Remember your loved one. Be sad. Laugh. Cry. Watch their favorite movie. Eat their favorite food. Do what makes it right for you. Make sure you surround yourself with people that understand what you need – not what they think you should or shouldn’t be doing. Let the day come.

So on this 7-Year Grief Anniversary, I want this day to be about him and the joy he brought to my life. The laughter. The great memories. The soul-embracing love. Pizza and margaritas. Hawaiian sunsets. Las Vegas fun. The U.S. Open in New York. Boat rides on Lake Anna. Crawling out a window to shovel snow on the deck. The “Aflac” duck commercials. John Wayne. The Beach Boys. I will look out on the hill overlooking the ocean. I will listen to one of “our” songs. I will share his favorite poem (and one of mine):

Sea Fever

By John Masefield

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by;
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.

Please respect a Griever’s need for this day. We need it to remember. We need it to heal.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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