Tag Archives: Grief

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Grief Reiki® Card Reading

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The Grief Reiki® Card Deck was my way of trying to pull together comforting thoughts and words for a griever in a non-traditional format. The approach is to Pick-A-Card that jumps out at you. Whatever number comes into your head first. Or just go with your gut. Now read the message corresponding to the card you picked.

I have found we usually get the message we need to hear most.

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Today's Messages (1)

If you picked Card #1: Today’s message reminds you not to go through grief alone but to draw strength from your friends. Society has conditioned us to “Grieve Alone” when in reality this is the worst thing we could do. We have also been taught not to ask for help or family and friends will think we are weak. Again, this is furthest from the truth. Family and friends want to help us but we have to reach out and ask for that help. They cannot read our minds so if we wait for them to offer it may never happen. Ask for what you need.  Don’t try and go through it alone.

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Today's Messages (2)

If you picked Card #2: Today’s message is a reminder to REST when you are grieving. I know that sounds easier said than done. If you are like me when I was grieving, you can’t even sleep or think about sleeping right now. But resting doesn’t mean you have to sleep for long periods of time. Sometimes just taking a 5-10 minute cat nap can leave you refreshed. It is so important that you try to do this since it is common to be more prone to accidents and injuries when we are grieving. This is because our minds, bodies and spirits are on an emotional roller coaster. Make the time to rest when you can. It’s especially important right now.

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Today's Messages (3)

If you picked Card #3: Today’s message is a reminder that it is perfectly normal to feel extreme sadness when you are grieving. Since Society seems to have put a time-constraint on how “long” we should grieve, we often feel pressure to not be sad. We force that sadness down until we feel like exploding. Most places of employment don’t help either by only giving us 3-5 days bereavement time. How could anyone “feel better” after such a short period of time? Expressing your sadness is normal part of being human. Don’t plaster that fake smile on your face or say you are “doing fine” when you aren’t. This card reminds you to share your sadness. It will help you move through your grief. It will also help those around know that expressing sadness is a normal and natural reaction to loss.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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Self-Reiki When Grieving

Practicing Self-Reiki When You Are Grieving

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Practicing self-Reiki really helped me when I was grieving the deaths of my loved ones.  I truly believe it really helped to keep me in better health during those times . Do I have any way to scientifically prove it? Not really other than I felt calmer, slept better and didn’t get sick during those two very difficult periods in my life. Maybe that is proof enough self-Reiki worked for me.

SELF-REIKI AT HOME

So how did I do it? First of all, I got myself into a routine. Having a routine made it second nature. I didn’t have to make myself remember. It just happened. This makes it a no-brainer when you are grieving and can barely remember what day it is. I just made sure I practiced self-Reiki every morning when I was in the shower. It only took 5 – 10 minutes. I used one particular symbol and drew it in the air from my head to my feet. I then drew the symbol to cover my whole body. I finished up by giving thanks for the beautiful day ahead. Over time, it became a matter of habit. This helped me to start my days in a better place both emotionally and physically.

SELF-REIKI AT WORK

Once I got to work however, it became another story. I don’t know about you but it is really tough to work when you are grieving. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt like crying for no reason. I also seemed to be on a very short fuse. Most employers don’t give much bereavement time. In fact, if it’s a friend who has died, you really don’t get any bereavement time at all. So I went to work and tried to get through the day but the grief was always with me.

During those moments when it hit the hardest, I would go into my office and close the door. I would place my right hand over my heart and my left hand over my stomach. I would take a few deep breaths. I would send myself Reiki to stay calm and balanced. If I couldn’t escape completely, I would at least try to walk outside for 5 minutes. Just being in the fresh air can relax and rejuvenate you. Both of these techniques kept me from falling apart at work when I couldn’t get through the day.

Again, practicing self-Reiki didn’t take all my sadness away when I was grieving but it did help me find a place of peace within myself. This place of peace helped me to move forward on my grief journey one step-at-a-time.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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Empty Nest Grief

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It’s that time of year again when children are heading off to college. It may be the first time a son or daughter is leaving home. For parents facing an “empty nest”, life can become a huge grieving event. It can be devastating but in some ways, also liberating. The deep sense of missing your child can be overwhelming. Maybe this is even surprising. Never thought you’d miss not having to step over the pile of dirty clothes in the hallway did you? Never thought you’d long for the laughter of high school girls gathering in your living room to watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette on Monday nights? Just driving by the track or soccer field where you spent most of your weekends now brings you to tears. It feels like your life has been swept out from under you. Of course it is not surprising you are hurting when you have been fully integrated into your child’s life for the last 18 years. Now what are you supposed to do?  Spend time with your spouse? Take up underwater basket weaving? Take that long awaited trip to Europe?

OPPORTUNITY

As parents, we should look at the empty nest syndrome as an opportunity to complete this chapter in our life, embrace it and move forward. Face your grief. Be sad. Don’t isolate yourself but participate in life. Re-discover what you like to do. Find your identity. Remember you are not broken just sad and that is perfectly normal and healthy.

Our gut reaction may be to try to “suck it up” and pretend like everything is ok. We smile when we are asked how we are doing. “Just fine” comes out of our mouth even when we don’t feel that way. When asked about our college student we try not to tear up.  Everything is “great” we say while gritting our teeth. We may avoid going out so we don’t run into anyone who may ask about them. That would certainly bring on the tears. In reality, these responses are only hurting us. They are masking what we are really feeling.  Sadness. Pain. Loneliness.

Even worse, we pretend everything is “fine” when we talk to our college student. Wouldn’t want to upset them. They probably don’t care anyway. Too much fun in college. We’re sure they don’t even miss us. So we call, but not too much. We text, but only occasionally. We make sure we don’t leave tearful voicemails on their cell phones. When we haven’t heard from them for a few days, we try not to panic. We plan a trip so we can go see them, then count the days until it happens. Deep down we are still sad and hurting.

CHILDREN GRIEVE TOO

As hard as it is for us, we forget it is also hard for our child. They too go through a sense of loss once they leave home. Home – the place they couldn’t wait leave – now becomes a place they begin to miss terribly. No more home cooked meals. No more Mom or Dad bugging them to make their beds. No hugs just because. They try to be strong. They grieve alone. Wouldn’t want to other kids to see they are homesick. Not cool. They don’t let us know because they know how sad we are already.

From a grief recovery perspective it is best for everyone to face their grief. It is ok to be sad whether you are the “empty nest” parent or the child away at college. Sharing your grief as a family brings healing. Talk about it. Know that it is ok. In fact that it is even better if you grieve together. My daughter gave me the biggest HUG when I finally saw her six weeks after she became a college freshman. Schools plan those Parent Weekends at six weeks for a reason. It’s about the time that college freshman really begin to miss their families. That HUG from my daughter told me everything I needed to know.

BE SUPPORTIVE

If you aren’t an empty nester but are a friend of one, listen and be supportive. Hand them a kleenex when you are at lunch and let those few tears roll down their cheek. Don’t try to intellectualize with them, just listen with your heart. They just need to talk about how they are feeling – not be fixed.

The same goes for the college student who may be also be facing a grieving event by moving away from home. As a parent, let them express how they feel. Listen and don’t try to fix them. Allow them to share their sadness. Then when you see them on Parent’s Weekend, just give them the BIGGEST HUG you can muster. That will say it all.

You will all survive this TOGETHER.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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