Tag Archives: Grief

  • -

Holiday Coupons for Grievers

Tags : 

 

In our last blog post we provided a few Holiday gift recommendations for a griever. In this post, we are offering something  more personal – Holiday Coupons.  Each one offers a simple act of kindness you can personally do for a griever. Even the simplest of gestures can make all the difference in the world. Here are some coupon ideas to give to someone who has experienced a loss.

I’ll Do Your Grocery Shopping

I’ll Sit With You While You Cry

I’ll Watch Your Kids For A Day

I’ll Treat You To A Pedicure Or Manicure

I’ll Clean Your Kitchen

I’ll Do Your Laundry

I’ll Bring Over A Home-Cooked Meal

I’ll Clean Your House

I’ll Help You With Paperwork

I’ll Help You Go Through Your Loved Ones Things

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!


  • -
Feeling Awful

Feeling Awful When Grieving

Tags : 

 

Feeling awful when you are grieving is perfectly normal. Since every relationship is unique, how a person grieves is unique to that relationship. If feeling awful is your thing, then you are right on track. Other normal reactions can include everything from feeling numb to wanting to eat everything in sight to not wanting to eat at all.

I remember when my best friend died I felt like I was in a fog for days. I sat at work (I am still not sure how I got there) and just stared at the computer. I couldn’t sleep without thinking about her.  I couldn’t hear a song on the radio without crying. Even worse because she died by suicide, most people avoided me or wouldn’t talk to me at all. This resulting in me putting up walls and isolating myself even more. Eventually I just plastered on my “happy face” and told everyone I was “fine”.

MISINFORMATION

Now that I am a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, I realize my feelings were no different than what most grievers experience. Historically society has told us how we should or shouldn’t be feeling after any loss. It got passed down from generation to generation. As a result, well-meaning friends and relatives say things like “They are in a better place” or “Eat some more ice cream and you’ll feel better” after a death of someone close to you. Maybe some of you have even heard after the break-up of a relationship “We never liked them anyway” or “It’s ok, it just wasn’t meant to be”.

The problem is we are taught to intellectualize grief when really it is really a matter of the heart. Since most people aren’t given the necessary “heart tools” – especially when it comes to loss – they do the best they can by giving us feedback they think our heads will understand.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

In addition to our hearts needing tender-loving-care while we are grieving, so do our bodies. A body needs energy to be healthy. Grief is an energy-depleting emotion. If you aren’t replacing and/or balancing its energy you feel awful. For example, after the death of my former finance, my heart physically ached inside my body. It felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Maybe in some way – figuratively not literally – I was. My stomach felt like I had swallowed a block of concrete. I had zip, nada, no energy.

Since we have been conditioned not to express our feelings, we bottle them all up inside. We walk around like robots. We hold back the tears. We hide from friends and family. Eventually our bodies can’t take it anymore. We explode inside like metal in a microwave. As a result, it’s not unusual to get sick by not dealing with grief. This outcome is so much worse than just feeling what you were feeling from the beginning.

REIKI HELPED

One suggestion for preventing your grief manifesting in a physical way is to find practices that help you balance the energy in your body – Reiki, Yoga, Tai Chi or Qigong. After the deaths of both of my friends, I found that Reiki really helped me. It kept me more peaceful and relaxed. Much better for my well-being than eating gallons of ice cream or exploding in a meeting.

The bottom line is to understand and express what you are feeling both emotionally and physically.  It is normal and natural and most importantly – it is just right for you. Be sad. Be numb. Be tired. Communicate how you feel – even if you do feel awful. You heart and your body will thank you.

Grief is one instance where knowing you are feeling awful is actually a good thing.

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!


  • -
Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, Birthdays and Grief (2017)

Tags : 

 

How are we supposed handle it when Thanksgiving, Birthdays and Grief all hit at the same time? November 25 is the birthday of my former fiancé. This year it two days after Thanksgiving. A bittersweet day. Every 7 years his birthday would fall on Thanksgiving. It usually became a double celebration.

SPECIAL MEMORIES

One year in particular stands out to me. We drove to see the Christmas lights and garden displays at Longwood Gardens. We heard it was amazing. The word “amazing” just doesn’t do it justice. Longwood Gardens consists of over 1,077 acres of gardens, woodlands, and meadows in Kennet Square, Pennsylvania in the Brandywine Creek Valley.  It is one of the premier botanical gardens in the United States. It is the living legacy of Pierre S. du Pont, a world traveler from an early age, who was often inspired to add features to the garden after attending world’s fairs. The most notable additions being the massive conservatory, complete with a huge pipe organ and an extensive system of water fountains. Years before it was a public garden, the land on which Longwood Gardens stands was home to the native Lenni Lenape tribe and Quaker farmers. Since then, the land has undergone significant transformation to become the magnificent property that is enjoyed by more than a million guests each year.

Every year at Christmas time, more than 500,000 twinkling lights and spectacular fountain shows compose a brilliant Christmas wonderland. Visitors stroll through the ground which has lights strung on 40 miles of wire glowing in the trees. Large, starry snowflakes and icicles sparkle throughout the Gardens, while the continuously performing Theatre fountains present the colors of a Christmas rainbow. Although it was close to freezing, we walked through the Gardens in amazement.

Screen Shot 2015-11-19 at 9.28.40 AM

 

PENNSYLVANNIA COUNTRYSIDE

While in the area, we stayed at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast, Inn at Grace Winery (formerly Sweetwater Inn). Established in 1734, it is an historic 50-acre estate located in the heart of The Brandywine Valley. We were told by the owners that the cast and crew of the movie, The Village, had been staying there. The Village was a 2004 American film, written, produced, and directed by M. Night Shyamalan and starred Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver. We had just missed seeing all of them by one day!  We also visited the Brandywine River Museum home of the works of American realist artist, Andrew  Wyeth and his family. His father, N.C. Wyeth was an illustrator of many children’s classics such as Treasure Island and The Last of the Mohicans. Andrew’s son, Jamie Wyeth, is a contemporary American realist painter. The museum is housed in a converted nineteenth century mill on the banks of the Brandywine Creek. Visiting the museum was a beautiful way to end a beautiful weekend. These memories will last forever.

Now when November 25 and Thanksgiving roll around, part of me just wants it to be over. Another part of me thinks back to all the wonderful times we spent together. Just like our time in Pennsylvania. Freezing as we walked through Longwood Gardens but not wanting to leave. Since he died, I still try to remember his birthday every year.  With wonderful memories like this, it isn’t hard to forget. I think it is healthy and honest.  Remembering him just seems like the right thing to do.  I just focus on all the great memories we had together.

Happy Birthday.  I haven’t forgotten you.

I know you are having a margarita (or two) in Heaven today!

*********************************************

Sending you love, comfort and peace!


Search

Upcoming Event

Upcoming Event

Anytime Webinar Series

Anytime Webinar Series

Holiday Grief Tips eBook

Holiday Grief Tips eBook

Chakra Perfume Set

Healing Gifts

Free Sample Chapter

New Book

Free Sample Chapter

Grief Diaries