Tag Archives: grief victimhood

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Anger

Dealing With Anger When You Are Grieving

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The first Reiki Principle says: “Just for today: Do not anger.” Mikao Usui wrote, “Anger at others or oneself or at the whole world, creates serious blockages in one’s energy. It is the most complex inner enemy. Reiki is an excellent tool to remove anger blockages which have accumulated in the body. Letting go of anger brings peace into the mind.”

Anger and Grief

Anger is a basic human emotion. People get angry. No one is immune. Anger usually stems from holding on to the past and not letting it go. This is why I believe it tops the Reiki principles list. You just keep holding on. You can’t let go. Anger begins to drag you through life. But who is your anger really hurting? No one but yourself. It builds up inside of you and creates blockages in your energy. The long-term emotional effects of anger can result in anxiety, constant irritability and rage. The physical effects of these blockages can lead to heart attacks and strokes Not only does anger affect you but it also affects those around you.

When you are grieving it is not unusual to feel angry. Angry at your loved one who has died. Angry at the medical establishment for not saving them. Angry at yourself for not doing more. It begins to take over your heart. How could this happen? Everyone and everything begins to make you angry. The guy still crossing the street when the light turns green. The cashier at the grocery store who is talking to each and every customer in their line. The coworker who is late to an important meeting. As a result, pain, hurt, and resentment start to boil over. No one or nothing is immune. Left untreated, anger is dangerous. It can ruin your physical, emotional and spiritual health. You have to discover the underlying reasons why you are so angry. Once you understand these reasons you can do something about it.

How To Deal With Anger

Here are some suggestions to help you to better deal with anger:

Take Responsibility. You are the only one responsible for how you react to someone or something. No one can “make” you feel a certain way. That falls on you. Take responsibility for the role you play in creating your own anger.

React Differently. Instead of automatically going to your “angry” place, try a different approach. First go to your “happy” place. This will ultimately have better results.

Walk Away. Stepping away from anger may defuse the situation. Go for a walk around the block. This gives you some time to think about what’s going from a different vantage point.

Face It. Face your anger head on. Accept it’s there and you have to deal with it. Don’t ignore it in the hopes it will go away. Usually it doesn’t.

Feel It. Don’t let anger build up to the point you “explode” in a physical, emotional or spiritual rage. Let yourself cry, scream or shout to the heavens so you can ultimately let it go.

Be Compassionate. Develop empathy for yourself and others. Once you do, empathy becomes compassion. Having compassion takes you out of your own shoes and puts you into the shoes of another. This makes it easier to see the situation from another person’s perspective.

Stop Taking Things Personally. In The Four Agreements, one of my favorite authors Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” You can feed your anger when you take things personally. Don’t put yourself in that situation.

Don’t make decisions. Any decisions you need to make should never come from a place of anger. If you do, you will usually regret it later. Defer decisions until you have had a chance to calm down and/or diffuse your emotions. You’ll be thankful you did.

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Excerpt from Grief Reiki – An Integrated Approach to the Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Components of Grief and Loss, Chapter 6, Letting Go.

Now Available on Amazon, Kindle and Barnes and Noble.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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Grieving for the Living

Grief Diaries: Grieving For The Living

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Released in June 4 2016, Grief Reiki® is a proud contributor to Grief Diaries: Grieving for the Living

Losing someone we love is a heartbreak unlike any other experience, especially if they are still alive. Because loss comes in many forms, Grief Diaries: Grieving for the Living is dedicated to sharing the stories of wounds left in the aftermath of shifted or broken relationships. Why do we share our losses? Because when we swap stories, it makes us feel less alone.

When a relationship with someone we love is filled with challenges, comes to an end, or fails to fulfill our dreams, we embark on a fragile journey that tests our fears, our future, and even our own sense of self. The intensity of our emotions in the swirling aftermath can sometimes bring more questions than answers. Why is our relationship so challenging? How can love end so suddenly? Will I ever feel happy again? What do I fear? How do I survive? Offering a rich collection of intimate stories by writers who share their journey through a living loss, this book is like a portable support group. Filled with answers to poignant questions, readers facing the same challenge will discover comfort, company and hope on every page.

In Chapter One, each writer shares the story of who or what they grieved for. The writers were then presented with intimate questions pertaining to their journey, and their responses are compiled within the individual chapters. These narrations are unabridged, as every voice is unique. But no matter the age or the circumstances, the stories contained within are a treasured reminder that none of us walk this journey alone. And that is what this book is all about.

Reviews

“ANOTHER IN THE AWARD WINNING SERIES detailing the journies of the survivors of grief. These books are truly a blessing for those traveling the grief journey, not so much as a “how to” book, but as a “I’ve been there ….” experience for the reader, offering hope and light” -AMAZON REVIEWER

Grieving for the Living on Amazon

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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Getting Past “Grief Victimhood”

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Admit it. We all know people who wallow in self-pity and/or perpetual sadness to the point that their “grief victimhood” defines them. They limit their thoughts and feelings to only the negative aspects of a person who has passed or a loss event that has occurred in their life. They cling to the disappointments and anger they have suffered at the person’s hands. It’s a story that plays over and over again.

As their friends and/or family members, we try to be understanding. We try to listen but at some point we reach our saturation point. We see them coming down the street and we cross to the other side. Their name comes up on our caller ID and we don’t take the call. We love them but their refusal to stop playing the role of a victim is more than we can take. So why are so many people comfortable in the victim role?

I am not a psychologist but I would imagine that victimhood is a learned behavior. While growing up, they witnessed responsibility being passed from person to person. Dad would say it was Mom’s fault if he had a bad day. Mom would say it was the kids fault if Dad was in a bad mood. Kids figured it’s their parents’ fault if they can’t go out and play with their friends. As these children grew up, they continued to take no responsibility for their actions. Then they start their own families and the cycle continues with their spouses and children. No responsibility. Always someone else’s fault.

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In some cases, there may have been horrific events that led to a loss of safety or trust resulting in their sense of victimhood. Completely understandable they are in pain. They should be. But in other cases, they didn’t know any better because being a victim was all they had seen growing up.  Either way, unless they take the action steps to move beyond the victimhood, it will be something carried with them to every situation and every relationship throughout their lives. For many, victimhood is like a comfortable chair – it envelopes them and becomes familiar.  For others, they want to move beyond their victimhood but don’t really know how. What if they could actually experience the happiness that seems to have been so far out of their reach? Does society really give us the tools to get beyond “grief victimhood”?

The Grief Recovery Method® requires a person to take an HONEST look at their life. It isn’t easy. They must take responsibility for the fact there is a problem and only they can fix it. They need to admit there were BOTH negative and POSITIVE aspects to the loss events that occurred throughout their life. They must be committed to taking the action steps towards breaking the cycle, and begin the healing process. Step-by-step. Relationship-by-relationship.

Once they have taken that first step, they can move forward with a different outlook on life and say GOODBYE to victimhood once and for all.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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