Tag Archives: Energy

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I am grieving and I feel awful

I am Grieving and I Feel Awful

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Feeling awful when you are grieving is perfectly normal. Since every relationship is unique, how a person grieves is unique to that relationship. If feeling awful is your thing, then you are right on track. Other normal reactions can include everything from feeling numb to wanting to eat everything in sight to not wanting to eat at all. I remember when my best friend died I felt like I was in a fog for days. I sat at work (I am still not sure how I got there) and just stared at the computer. I couldn’t sleep without thinking about her.  I couldn’t hear a song on the radio without crying. Even worse because she died by suicide, most people avoided me or wouldn’t talk to me at all. This made me put up walls and isolate myself even more. Eventually I just plastered on my “happy face” and told everyone I was “fine”.

EMOTIONAL EFFECTS

Now that I am a Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist®, I realize my feelings were no different than what most grievers experience. Historically society has told us how we should or shouldn’t be feeling after any loss. It got passed down from generation to generation. As a result, well-meaning friends and relatives say things like “They are in a better place” or “Eat some more ice cream and you’ll feel better” after a death of someone close to you. Maybe some of you have even heard after the break-up of a relationship “We never liked them anyway” or “It’s ok, it just wasn’t meant to be.” The problem is we are taught to intellectualize grief when really it is really a matter of the heart. Since most people aren’t given the necessary “heart tools” – especially when it comes to loss – they do the best they can by giving us feedback they think our heads will understand.

PHSYICAL EFFECTS

In addition to our hearts needing tender-loving-care while we are grieving, so do our bodies. A body needs energy to be healthy. Grief is an energy-depleting emotion. If you aren’t replacing and/or balancing its energy you feel awful. For example, after the death of my former finance, my heart physically ached inside my body. It felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Maybe in some way – figuratively not literally – I was. My stomach felt like I had swallowed a block of concrete. I had zip, nada, no energy. Since we have been conditioned not to express our feelings, we bottle them all up inside. We walk around like robots. We hold back the tears. We hide from friends and family. Eventually our bodies can’t take it anymore. We explode inside like metal in a microwave. As a result, it’s not unusual to get sick by not dealing with grief. This outcome is so much worse than just feeling what you were feeling from the beginning.

REPLENISHING YOUR ENERGY

One suggestion for preventing your grief manifesting in a physical way is to find practices that help you replenish and balance the energy in your body – Reiki, Yoga, Tai Chi or Qigong. After the deaths of my friends, I found that Reiki really helped me. It kept me more peaceful and relaxed. Much better for my well-being than eating gallons of ice cream or exploding in a meeting.  The bottom line is to understand and express what you are feeling both emotionally and physically. It is normal and natural and most importantly – it is just right for you. Be sad. Be numb. Be tired. Communicate how you feel – even if you do feel awful. You heart and your body will thank you.

Grief is one instance where “feeling awful” is actually a good thing.

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!


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Grief Reiki® Card Reading

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Here is the Grief Reiki® Card Reading for December. The Grief Reiki® Card Reading was my way of trying to pull together comforting thoughts and words for a griever in a non-traditional format. The approach is to Pick-A-Card that jumps out at you. Whatever number comes into your head first. Or just go with your gut. Now read the message corresponding to the card you picked.

I have found we usually get the message we need to hear most.

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If you picked Card #1:  This card is a reminder that grieving depletes your energy. Your body needs energy to be healthy. The energy in your body corresponds to your various emotional, physical and spiritual functions.  If you aren’t replacing and/or balancing its energy you feel awful in one or all of these areas.  Do those things that can renew and replenish your energy. Take a walk. Spend time in nature. Schedule a Yoga, Tai Chi or Reiki session. Getting an energetic “fill up” is so important when you are grieving!

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If you picked Card #2:  This card is a reminder getting “lost” in a great movie can be the best medicine for your grief. It can give you an “excuse” to cry everything out or give you a “break” from grieving by offering up a good laugh. You can also watch your loved one’s favorite movie as a way of remembering them. Whatever type of movie you chose, watching a movie can be very healing. So find a comfy chair, break out the popcorn and grab the tissues!

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If you picked Card #3: This card is a reminder that it is perfectly normal to feel extreme sadness when you are grieving. Since society seems to have put a time-constraint on how “long” grief should last, you may feel pressure to not be sad. Consequently, you force your sadness down until you feel like exploding. Most places of employment don’t help either by only giving you 3 to 5 days of bereavement time. How could you even “feel better” after such a short period of time? Expressing your sadness is normal part of being human. Don’t plaster that fake smile on your face or say you are “doing fine” when you aren’t. This card reminds you to share your sadness. It will help you move through your grief. It will also help those around know that expressing sadness is really a normal, natural and healthy reaction to loss!

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Sending you love, comfort and peace!

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