Recovery Actions Helping to Complete Unresolved Emotions
Grief is one of the most difficult topics to talk about in America. Why has this happened? Grief is the “normal and natural reaction to loss of any kind”. It is also the “conflicting feelings caused by the end or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” This means that grief is really bigger than what we traditionally think about. It is the result of over 44 different loss events including death, divorce, moving, retirement, miscarriage and others. Historically we haven’t treated these types of losses as grief. In some cases, the grief we feel doesn’t relate to a “person” but a “state of being”. Examples include loss of health, loss of safety, loss of trust or loss of memory as other grieving experiences. It seems like it is time to change how we view grief so that we can move forward as a society.
Myths About Grief
Most of us over the course of our lifetime have heard at least one or more of the following statements after a loss:
Time Heals All Wounds – You may still be grieving after losing someone 5, 10 or 20 years ago. Does it hurt any less? Do you miss that person any less? Probably not. For some, the pain may get even worse. Time definitely does not heal our pain.
Grieve Alone – We have been taught that we are not to burden others with our grief. I felt that way after the suicides of my two friends. You don’t want to bother others with your sadness so you keep it to yourself. In some cases, you reach out to others but they don’t know what to do to help you. As a result you feel lost and alone so you isolate yourself as a way of handling the grief that others can’t. Grieving alone certainly doesn’t work.
Be Strong – If you are the oldest child a family you know this one well. If something happens you have to be the strong one for your younger siblings. You have to suck it up and not show your emotions. Heaven forbid the younger ones see you crying. What sort of message does that send? Maybe they will think you are weak instead of just plain sad. Trying to be strong just gives the wrong message that you are not trying to be human.
Don’t Feel Bad – How many of us have been told as a child not to cry when something bad happened? Rather than expressing our emotions we were told to hold it in. I think many of the generations before us were never allowed to show their feelings. Men joined the military and were told to check their emotions at the door. Some children have never ever seen their parents cry. No wonder they grow into adults who can’t deal with their own emotions.
Replace The Loss – I am pretty sure that most of my generation has heard after a relationship break-up “Don’t feel bad, there are plenty of fish in the sea”. Not sure if that was supposed to make us feel better but in actuality it made it worse. What it implies though is that we not wait and grieve over the loss of the relationship but to move on right away and replace the old one with a new one. That can’t be healthy. Maybe that is why so many people have a revolving door in relationships; maybe even two at one time in case one of them doesn’t work out. No wonder there are so many divorces these days.
Keep Busy – Speaking from experience I can say I became a workaholic just so I didn’t have to think after the suicides of my two friends. Keep busy. Keep working. Don’t think about it. It’s much easier than facing your grief. In reality, it’s worse because you don’t end up facing your grief at all.
Society has perpetuated the use of these terms so much so that they have become part of our vernacular.
If you think about it do these statements really help?
The Grief Recovery Method® was developed and refined by John W. James and Russell Friedman over the past 30 years to teach clients how to recover from loss with supportive and actionable guidance. Grief Reiki® LLC leverages material developed by The Grief Recovery Institute®, which provides training coast-to-coast, border-to-border in the United States and Canada with affiliates in Australia, Mexico, Sweden, Africa and the United Kingdom.
This program is for anyone who suffers from grief no matter what the cause and provides guidance to ensure you:
Recover from unresolved grief;
Address the emotional not intellectual side of grief;
Follow a structured action plan; and
Commit to recovery.
Through our support groups or individual sessions, we provide a safe environment for you to look at your old beliefs about dealing with loss, and provide you with actions that will lead you to complete unresolved emotions that may still be causing you pain. As a trained and Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, we will facilitate this journey with confidentiality and compassion.
If you have experienced any emotional losses, have a broken heart and want to feel better, this educational program is for you.
Introduction to The Grief Recovery Method® video hosted by co-founders John James and Russell Friedman.
You can also find the Grief Recovery Institute Guidance Center on Tributes.com